Fred Quotes:

Fred: We ended a nefarious global domination scheme, not world peace. Right?
   ~From "Home"

Fred: Garden's empty. This is incredibly creepy.
Lorne: Only in a post-apocalyptic "Night of the Comet" kind of way.
   ~From "Peace out"

Fred: You're right about all of it except for one thing. What we did, I felt it. Every bit of it. And, you know, sometimes when I allow myself to think about it, it eats me up inside.
Gunn: Yeah, me, too.
Fred: Well, I don't know about you, but...I'd take that over being a shell any day.
   ~From "Sacrifice"

Fred: Sit down! Any monkey business, and I'll chop you down like a cherry tree.
   ~From "The Magic Bullet"

Fred: Cordelia, it's me. I'm here. Hello? Remember before the big brain suck and Lorne read you, and it was all scary, headachy pukiness? What if that's all true? Only worse, 'cause we don't even know to fight back, not even Angel.
   ~From "Shiny Happy People"

Fred: Hey, here's something. Maybe I can -- have an embolism!
   ~From "Inside Out"

Fred: It's the pictures in my mind that are getting me. I can't stop thinking about Connor and Cordy...hiding up in that room...imagining what they do up there. It's like being stuck in a really bad movie with those Clockwork Orange clampy things on my eyeballs.
   ~From "Players"

Fred: Connor shouldn't have run off like that.
Wes: I'm sure he's just worried about Cordelia.
Fred: Do you ever think their relationship is maybe a little bit...icky?
   ~From "Orpheus"

Fred: Hello, Faith, I'm—-
Faith: Fred. Yeah, Wes kinda gave me the skinny on you.
Fred: Oh.
   ~From "Salvage"

Angelus: Ooh, she really has put on spunk, hasn't she, Wes. Not the same, shy, bitch cow we pulled out of Pylea.
Fred: There's only one bitch here, and I'm looking at him.

   ~From "Calvary"

Angelus: Othello and Desdemona. My favorite couple. Oh, wait. Desdemona wasn’t in love with the other guy. So much for “stand by your man”.
   ~From "Soulless"

Fred: Well, I’m not one to turn down a little pep but I’d much prefer we had a plan.
   ~From "Awakening"

Fred: I know what you must be thinking.
Gunn: That we should have learned our lesson?
Fred: Wesley and I have decided this is our only option.
Gunn: I know. But I don’t got to like it.
   ~From "Long Day's Journey"

Gunn: What about you? You okay?
Fred: I'm fine - I just needed some air. I didn't know I'd be gone so long.
   ~From "Habeas Corpses"

Waitress: It's not the free refills that I'm worried about. It's you vibrating into another dimension after a tenth cup.
Fred: Nobody wants that.
   ~From "Rain of Fire"

Fred: Don't y'all think this is some kind of government conspiracy? My friend Levon says the government is always taking kids and experimenting on them. Did anybody else have to take a personality disorder test recently? They ask you about politics and your bowel movements and if you want to be a Florist...
   ~From "Spin the Bottle"

Prof Seidel: Fred, I know you. You're not capable of hurting anyone.
Fred: You don't know me. Not anymore. Five years of pain and suffering in a hell dimension'll make a girl capable of a lot of things.
   ~From "Supersymmetry"

Fred: Have you been caffeinating your blood again, or is there something you're not telling us?
   ~From "Slouching Towards Bethlehem"

Fred: Frankly, Lorne, we weren't aware you needed rescuing.
Lorne: Weren't aware? I told you!
Fred: When?
Lorne: Why every time you called, I kept asking about Fluffy!
Fred: Oh. I just thought you were using some show business catch phrase I wasn't hip enough to get. Who's Fluffy?
Lorne: Fluffy! Fluffy, the dog? The dog you don't have? The universally recognized code for 'I'm being held prisoner. Send help.'
Fred: Oh. Okay. I'm hip now.
   ~From "The House Always Wins"

Fred: I am so sick of holding everything up around here. First Wesley leaves, then Angel, and Cordy. I-I'm sick of taking care of everything and paying bills and making peace and plans and keeping my chin up— God, I am so sick of my chin being up!
Gunn:You know what, just electrocute me now, 'cause I don't know what kind of alien female thing—
Fred: I thought it would get better when Angel came back. I-I thought I would finally be able to breathe again.
Gunn: Fred, no one forced this responsibility on you—
Fred: Well, who else was gonna do it? Who else was gonna hold everything up after you left me all alone? You died and left me all alone!
   ~From "Ground State"

Fred: I can't imagine what you've been through, Connor, being taken away by Holtz, raised in that place. It must have been horrible. I know you're still hurting but - I promise, it's not nearly as much as you're gonna hurt for what you did to your father.
   ~From "Deep Down"

Gunn: Now he’s humming.
Fred: He’s really happy. But not perfectly happy I hope.
Angel: Ow! No.
Fred: Just checking.
   ~From "Tomorrow"

Fred: I know how you feel. I got lost once, like you. When I came back... it seemed nothin' was real. Like I was seein' it all from the bottom of the ocean.
   ~From "Benediction"

Fred: So---We're just supposed to sit here with a fissure from a hell dimension in the middle of the lobby when we know someone who can help us?
   ~From "A New World"

Fred: I mean, ask me to research stuff on wave-particle dualities or the Schrodinger Equation and I'm a hellcat. But this...
   ~From "The Price"

Fred: I know I said he said those things to me, but he would never say those things to me.
Cordy: Those things he said?
Fred: Exactly. That’s why I know he’s in trouble.
   ~From "Double or Nothing"

Fred: No. It can't be. The baby's not gone.
Lorne: I'm sorry, sweetie, but he is.
Fred: Not like that. - Not a portal. There-there is pulling and there is noise, and there is nothing to hold on to. Nothing at all...
Gunn: Baby...
Fred: He must have been so scared.
   ~From "Forgiving"

Fred: What's wrong with Texas?---Texas doesn't hate the black man. Texas *loves* the black man. Well, most of Texas. Anyone with a brain. What's so great about California?
Gunn: Everything. It's got the climate, the ocean...
Fred: The earth that opens up and swallows you whole.
   ~From "Sleep Tight"

Gunn: I wanna know how he does it. No last name, no bank account. How are you ordering stuff off the web?
Fred: It's not that hard, really. All you have to do is hack into the shipping database, find someone who is ordering what you want, then substitute your information. Except that would just be high-tech robbery.
Angel: I memorized Cordelia's credit card numbers.
Fred: Oh. Low-tech robbery.
   ~From "Loyalty"

Fred: I'm being ridiculous, I know. It's just... I don't have a lot of experience in this area. I spent the last five years in a cave.
Gunn: Yeah, I know what that's like.
Fred: How could you?
Gunn: Because now, everything's so bright my eyes hurt.
   ~From "Couplet"

Fred: Ohhhh! Okay. I'm very excited about tonight. I love ballet. I mean, I haven't seen that much but my family went to the Nutcracker every Christmas and I had my first sexual dream about the Mouse King. I often could shut up more.
   ~From "Waiting in the Wings"

Fred: Are we talking a closed curve of finite length in a simply connected domain of zero? That would be too easy, wouldn't it?
   ~From "Provider"

Fred: Oh. Hi there. I-I know we haven't been formally introduced... Actually I'm not sure how to introduce myself to someone who is, you know - former. But, I'm Fred. It's nice to meet you.
   ~From "Birthday"

Angel: All right. So we've got a list. All I have to do is erase everyone on it.
Fred: I can do that for you.
Cordy: Uh, Fred.
Fred: What? Oh, you meant erase in a squish and kill violent kind of way. I'll just put that back.
   ~From "Dad"

Darla: Doesn't anyone wanna sit back here with me?
Cordy: We're good.
Gunn: Yeah, it's - comfy.
Darla: I promise I won't throw anyone out of the car. - Not while it's moving.
Fred: It's not that we don't trust you. I mean, we *don't* trust you. But the fact is, your water broke all over the back seat.
   ~From "Lullaby"

Fred: Guys. As fascinating as an ultra-sound image of an unborn child may appear...
Angel: Me. A father. To a son. You know what that means?
Fred: We're surrounded by vampires?
   ~From "Quickening"

Fred: Can I say something about destiny?- Screw destiny! If this evil thing comes we'll fight it, and we'll keep fighting it until we whoop it. 'cause destiny is just another word for inevitable and nothing's inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say 'your evitable!' - Well, you- you catch my drift.
Lorne: "Wow. I like her so much!"
   ~From "Offspring"

Fred: You were right about me liking dark places to hide in. But you forgot I also like to build things.
   ~From "Billy"

Fred: I got lost, I got lost, they did terrible things to me but it was just a storybook, it was just a story with monsters, not real, not in the world, but if you're here and you see me then... then it's real, it did happen, if you see what they made of me... I didn't mean to get lost...
   ~From "Fredless"

Fred: I shoulda knocked. I always forget to knock 'cause, you know, I didn't have a door for so long. He called me sweetheart, but that's just an expression, isn't it, like when a waitress calls you honey, it doesn't mean you're special or anything. It's just a word, right? Sweetheart.
   ~From "Carpe Noctem"

Fred: Although I thought I might just shoot you in the throat instead. Now, if I pierce one of your carotid arteries, considering the temperature in here, 'cause I think somebody shot the thermostat, the blood loss is gonna be heavy. And there's a chance I'll puncture a vocal cord and you won't even be able to scream. But you'll want to when the blood loss to your brain results in a cerebral vascular event. - That's a stroke. I wasn't trying to sound snooty.
   ~From "That Old Gang of Mine"

Fred: I-I never understood that saying 'right as rain.' How is rain right? Or wrong, for that matter. Okay, I suppose if there's a flood it's wrong. And speaking of floods, or maybe just being overwhelmed - what's it like to have a vision?
   ~ From "That Vision Thing"

Fred: It's really just a smidge of vampire in you far as I'm concerned but the universe has rules -- I'm a big believer in rules and theorems, formulas --
   ~From: "Heartthrob"